Why Having Surgery As A Mom Sucks

When you’re a mom you know that your job is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. You don’t get breaks, vacations, time off, sick days, or even paid. If you’re sick or tired the job still goes on and you just have to muster through it all. The same goes for when something happens that causes you to need surgery. No matter how major or minor the surgery is, your job and duties as a mom continue.

Surgery

Imagine…

You…

Haven’t eaten or drank anything in 11 1/2 hours.

Haven’t taken your morning medicines. (Which needs to be done with food and a drink, and within 4-6 hours of being awake otherwise you get a horrible headache.)

Have been awake for 5 1/2 hours thanks to being a super light sleeper and a raging thunderstorm from hell.

Are sitting on a hospital bed with 2 of your 3 youngest sitting, crawling, or pulling on some part of your body (while the 3rd sits in a chair near you).

Have been poked 4 times, 3 for blood work and luckily only 1 for an IV.

Have an IV on one of the most sensitive parts of your hand (that your 1-year-old wants to pull out super bad).

Husband’s support means he messages you from work saying “Don’t die, still need you for babysitting”. Then later “Still alive” when you don’t respond. (Of course he’s just joking, this is how he deals with stress and me being sick.)

After

After having your internal female parts scraped out and then blasted with something I can only visualize as a huge laser beam type thing from a Roadrunner and Wiley E Coyote sequence. You then get to itch constantly over your entire body for the next 6 hours (at least at this point). Plus leak what is described as “odd fluid” by your GYN (very technical there), have cottonmouth from hell, and cramp like your insides may fall out. Then you get to try to find something to eat and drink that won’t make you vomit. The pharmacy has yet to fill your medicine. And while you’re at it hopefully nothing hurts too badly because they don’t have your pain medicine either.

Kids

You get to deal with your 5 kids shit plus your husband’s attitude because he doesn’t get to do whatever the fuck he was wanting to do while leaving you home incapacitated, unable to lift the baby, banned from driving or operating heavy machinery or probably using a stove if I had asked the doctor. You are left to bathe the 2 youngest because they aren’t capable of doing it themselves. Then you have to figure out how to feed the 5 tiny ravenous human beings. Luckily your mother buys fast food for you and the children (screw your husband, he can make himself something).

The Baby

The baby hasn’t eaten much in 2 days so you think he needs to see the pediatrician. They can get him in 45 minutes after your husband gets home. You call to tell him and he acts like it’s an inconvenience. Maybe you should strap the baby to your back and hitchhike or better yet just walk. The baby ends up being fine and is just getting 4 teeth in at once. Somehow this slipped by you even though you’re a pro at this shit now (probably because you don’t dare stick anything in that mouth that you don’t want to lose).

The Hubby

Your husband bathes the baby thankfully but then hands him off to you (which by the way isn’t supposed to be happening especially since he weighs about a quarter of a ton). Then he says “I’ll be back later”. And without telling you where he’s going or how long he’ll be gone just leaves. This leaves you with those 5 tiny ravenous beings we talked about a minute ago, and your itchiness and your cramps, and it’s pouring down rain again and a tornado is probably going to drop straight on your living room couch where you lie in a fetal position trying to get some relief or be somewhat comfortable or just fucking rest your eyes.

Did I mention you are beyond tired? Yeah, that too. Those drugs they give you make you beyond exhausted, like just having pushed out quads through your hoo-ha tired.

In The End

Surgery is not fun no matter what your job is or what your lifestyle entails. But when you’re a mother (especially of 5) then surgery is absolutely a pain in the ass. Having to deal with everything that surgery entails, recovery, and then dealing with all your motherly/wifely duties on top of that makes life a living hell after a surgical procedure.

 

UPDATE

(A week and a half after surgery) So that all happened. It was quite the experience. Not much fun, super stressful, and I was in a slightly bad mood as you could probably tell. My husband was not as much of an asshole as I painted him to be. He’s actually an amazing man. I was feeling horrible and just wanted to be left alone and have to do absolutely nothing. Hopefully this “surgery” will fix all of my “female” problems because having 5 kids and dealing with all the shit I do monthly just isn’t easy anymore. (I don’t know why this is labeled as a surgery because it was a 15 minute procedure with no incisions.)

 

Find out more about endometrial ablation.

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