Life With A Teenage Daughter

Living With Teen Daughters

Life with teenage daughters is anything but easy. Or fun. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out, scream, or run away. But there are ways to make it through those tough years, or at least with only getting a few (hundred) gray hairs.
Inevitably you’re going to fight with your teenage daughter. Just face it, it will happen. You’re going to “sync up” and both be hormonal and psycho bitches at the exact same time of the month until she moves out. So, get used to having some major fights.

Don’t Argue

Try (and I say try because sometimes it’s extremely difficult) to not yell at her. Take some deep breaths. Tell her you’ll discuss the situation later when you have calmed down. Walk away. A shouting match with a teenager who thinks they know everything is the last thing you need because face it, having a teenage daughter is stressful enough without the arguments.

Don’t Cry…or Do It Alone

She’s going to say and do some really hurtful things. You’re going to want to cry, which is perfectly normal and completely fine. But, don’t let her see that she has made you cry. That would just let her know that she has and can hurt you. Don’t give her the upper hand. Stay strong. Walk away. Close the door. Cry alone when she doesn’t know that’s what you are doing.

Love

Love her. And let her know that you love her. She’s a teen, her hormones and emotions are going crazy. She thinks she’s ugly, awkward, unloved. Make sure she knows that isn’t the truth. Tell her you love her every day. Even if she doesn’t want to hear it, say it. Deep down she’ll always want to know that her mom loves her no matter what.

While you’re at it, make sure she knows that she’s beautiful and smart and amazing too. Build her up so that when others break her down she will remember what you tell her every day.

Touch

It’s probably been awhile since she willingly hugged you right? That’s normal. Touching her is another way to let her know you love her and care about her. Pat her shoulder as you walk by her. Hug her even if she doesn’t want you to. Put your hand on her back while you stand over her helping with homework (that you frankly don’t understand one single bit). By touching her you are letting her know that you are there for her.

Don’t Criticize

Try try try to not criticize. I know this is hard, but it’s something you really need to work at. When you criticize a teenager, it breaks them down. And they are getting that enough at school and on social media these days. Build her up instead of breaking her down. Don’t criticize the clothes she likes or the way she wants to wear her hair. Remember, you’re the uncool mom and you have no idea what you’re talking about anyway.

Listen

When she talks to you, listen. Put the phone, tablet, or laptop down. Turn the tv off. Look at her, engage, and actually listen to her speak to you. Be interested in what she’s saying. Respond to her when she talks to you so that she knows you are really listening.

Be There

Be present in the moments with her. If you have multiple kids then it’s probably rare that you get time alone with any of them. So, when you get that little precious time with your teen daughter, be there in that moment. Talk to her. Laugh with her. Smile and cry together. Enjoy every moment.

Go with her if she invites you places. If she asks you to go see a movie or go out to lunch together then do it. She probably doesn’t ask for time with you a lot so when she does, never turn it down. When she has programs, concerts, competitions, award ceremonies, etc at school then go to them. Those are precious things that will only happen once in her lifetime.

The Necessities

Stock up on some necessities. Alcohol…lots of it.

Noise dampening headphones. These can block out that awful music she listens to (or her when she wants to argue). A punching bag…hit this when she makes you furious.

Chocolate, lots and lots and lots of chocolate. This is both for you and her.

Wrapping Up

Having kids is hard. Living with them is difficult. But life with teens is even worse, especially when they are headstrong, independent, sarcastic, smart-ass, know-it-all girls. Life goes on. Drink your alcohol, wear your headphones, hit the punching bag, and eat some chocolate. In time it all will pass…hopefully.

Recap

  • Living with teens (especially girls) is difficult.
  • Don’t cry, or do it alone.
  • Love her.
  • Use touch.
  • Don’t criticize.
  • Listen.
  • Be there.
  • Get the Necessities.
  • Good luck and hopefully you all survive!
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8 comments

  1. I am in my early 20s so I was a teenager not so long ago and I agree with all what you said about how a mother should behave with her teenage daughter (my mother did those fortunately) except the second one about crying. If I hurt my mom that much that she cried it did let me know that I can hurt her and made me take a step back and appreciate her more and be a better daughter, but maybe that’s just me 🙂

    • Every mother-daughter relationship is different. If my daughter upsets me to the point of crying I can’t let her see it because she would use that against me and try to upset me any time she was “in a mood”. That’s just how she is right now as a teen.

  2. Your tips are spot on. Making it a daily habit to tell her how smart and beautiful she is is my favorite tip. Also, immediately putting your phone down or shutting your laptop is really important if she as much as has one sentence to tell you. You sound like an awesome mother! If I might give you something to look forward to, mother-daughter weekends when they’re all grown up are sweet.

    • Aww, thank you! We enjoy our mother-daughter time together when we get it. We love to shop together and probably our favorite things to do together are some of the more recent things…we saw one of her favorite comedians, went to one of her favorite band’s concerts, and we really enjoy going to the Fox Theatre together. Next up is Phantom of the Opera!

  3. I have a daughter, she’s 11 years old. I’ve seen some physical changes on her, and her frame of reference is of self-identity seeking. It’s challenging for me to giving her more guidance for her growth..

    • That’s a difficult age. They aren’t little girls anymore but not quite a teen yet either. The best thing to do is to let her find out who she is but still be there to support her in everything she’s going through. Make sure she knows that she is loved and beautiful. I think those are so very important for girls of all ages to understand especially in today’s society with all the bullying, teasing, etc.

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